It’s been a full month since the opening of HHN33 at Universal Orlando Resort, and with all the spooky festivities, there are very clear winners (and losers) of this year’s event! So buckle in, everyone – for better or for worse, Theme Park Shark is here to give our unsolicited opinion on all things Halloween Horror Nights in Orlando.
If you’re not familiar with the offerings at this year’s Halloween Horror Nights event, you can check out the video that Jake, our media correspondent, posted below:
Or check out my coverage of the opening night of the event in our previous article, here:
And now that you’re caught up, let’s get down to business: the Houses. Our house rankings are going to depend on three criteria: the Scares, the Strength of Concept, and the Ease of Access. And, before we get started, just a quick reminder: The entirety of this review is my own opinion. Unfortunately, I’m an incredibly opinionated person, but everyone takes something different away from their Halloween Horror Nights experience! If you have a different point of view or vehemently disagree with something stated during the rankings, I encourage you to leave your own points, experiences, and contributions at the end.
Now! Let’s begin!
1. Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire
The Scares: 8/10
Strength of Concept: 10/10
Ease of Access: 9/10
I’ll admit it: I’m biased. I’m a self-appointed honorary Ghostbuster, head of the Orlando Branch. Bustin’ makes me feel good. And this year’s Ghostbusters house is a worthy sequel to its predecessor, Ghostbusters 35th anniversary house, in 2019. Universal continues to write these incredibly detailed love letters to the franchise, which put guests right in the middle of all the ghostbusting action.
The casting is exemplary in this house, with both Phoebe Spengler and Lucky being dead ringers for their original Hollywood actors, and the inclusion of iconic facades like the firehouse or Ray’s Occult Books, as well as impressive set pieces like the Ecto-1 and the frozen-over Manhattan Adventurer’s Society make this house a true sight to behold. It’s a perfect recreation of the movie that has you walk through all the most intense moments, and spits you out the other end to the classic Ghostbusters theme song blaring on your way out. There has not been a single run of this house that hasn’t left me absolutely pumped and ready to ruin some poor ancient God’s day.
It’s Ghostbusters. It’s a classic, and the recent soft reboot of this series featuring Afterlife and Frozen Empire have both been exemplary additions to the beloved classic franchise. I’m glad to see Universal continuing to give the Ghostbusters the love they deserve… even if they did put a roller coaster through the firehouse.
While a milder house in terms of scares by merit of being a beloved comedy-action franchise, the sets were immaculate and immersive, and the entire house was fairly well-lit, with minimal strobes, winning this house the top spot in this year’s house rankings, all biases aside.
Well, most biases aside.
2. Universal Monsters: Eternal Bloodlines
The Scares: 9/10
Strength of Concept: 10/10
Ease of Access: 8/10
The newest addition in the long line of stellar houses all centered around the classic Universal Monsters, this one is unique in many ways: from being Universal’s first all-female house (not just in characters, but in scareactors, and design crew as well!) to being a new generation of monsters yet untold of in the classic lineup of Universal Monsters houses, Eternal Bloodlines follows the story of Saskia Van Helsing, the daughter of famed vampire hunter Abraham Van Helsing, who killed Dracula, and her quest to slay Countess Marya, Dracula’s Daughter. In arms with Saskia is the Bride of Frankenstein, out to avenge the death of her love.
Eternal Bloodlines tells an intense and fast-paced story, incorporating some of the creepiest crawlies from across the dark universe that the film studio has built over the last century. In addition to the beautiful sets and intense characters, what landed this house so high up on the list is the ending, which shocked and upset me, and has lingered well into the event as something so wildly unexpected that it’s stuck with me.
Like most of the Universal Monsters houses over the years, Eternal Bloodlines works with a very strong concept. Everything from the story, to the set design, to the special effects is done with a minimal margin of error, and with most rooms being fairly navigable with fairly-lit sets and minimal strobe, there wasn’t a single category that would drag this house down.
3. Monstruos: The Monsters of Latin America
The Scares: 9/10
Strength of Concept: 7/10
Ease of Access: 7/10
Let’s start off by acknowledging that this house won house of the year last year in Hollywood, and seeing it first hand I absolutely understand why. This house, despite focusing on three different Latin American legends, had such a unique identity that was tied together very well by the cryptic narrator, La Muerte, seen at multiple points throughout the house. The monsters themselves were fearsome, intense, and dangerous creatures that attacked from all angles, and the scares were orchestrated brilliantly.
When this house was announced, I immediately went to do my research, and read up on the actual legends that the monsters featured in this house were drawn from. La Lechuza, Tlahuelpuchi, and El Silbón are all real legends in Latin American Culture, and while the house does an impressive job of representing their tales, a little research was necessary to fully appreciate what role and impact these creatures have had in actual Latin American mythos.
I don’t know that I would have enjoyed the house any less had I not read up on the legends beforehand, but with the fact that these monsters exist in real-life legends and cultural mythos, I definitely feel like the house experience was enhanced by having at least a cursory knowledge of what they were attempting to represent. I would love to have given this house a higher score on Strength of Concept, because it did have a very strong core identity – but because it came with required reading to understand what these monsters actually were, it feels necessary to knock a few points off. Still, a very strong house, and one I can definitely understand winning House of the Year during its Hollywood run!
4. Slaughter Sinema 2
The Scares: 7/10
Strength of Concept: 7/10
Ease of Access: 7/10
A solid 7 out of 10, I fear this is where readers are going to bring out the pitch forks. I know that the original Slaughter Sinema was much beloved, and even spawned a new series of houses from its Yeti section! That’s very impressive, and I can definitely appreciate what the Slaughter Sinema houses set out to do. It’s like a playground for the house designers to experiment with concepts. Universal creatives have gone on record stating that Slaughter Sinema houses allow them to test out concepts they might not yet have full house plans for, and we saw that logic come to fruition with Yeti: Terror of the Yukon. This house is not without merit for that reason alone, and I did enjoy it!
But going through this house on multiple occasions, I was repeatedly left with a distinct sense of wanting more. Some of the movies featured in Slaughter Sinema were lackluster, to say the least. I wasn’t wildly impressed by the frat boy vomiting on me, or the mummy strippers, but your mileage may vary. But the movies that did hit hard absolutely came out swinging! Not only would I love to see a full house based on Hatchet and Chains: Demon Bounty Hunters, but I would absolutely watch that movie. Demonic Western was not something I knew I needed in my life until Slaughter Sinema 2.
Blood and Chum was also an impressive room, despite having only one scare. It was a good scare. I am, once again, biased towards impressive set pieces and large puppets. Fish are friends, not food… but they never said anything about the guests!
Despite how fleeting all the best parts felt, the concept is still strong. While Slaughter Sinema 2 felt like Universal throwing a bunch of different concepts at the wall to see what sticks, that was the entire point of the house, and it did it well. While I would love to see some of those concepts fleshed out into full houses with intense theming spread across various scenes, the fact that the individual concepts were as strong as they were speaks to Universal Creative’s strength in design. It’s hard to get a concept across in one room, but Slaughter Sinema does it!
With plenty of easter eggs referencing the original Slaughter Sinema, and a lot of great scares that hit hard because they were either surprisingly intense or came at unexpected moments, the rooms themselves were crammed into a Sprung Tent, with lots of twists and turns through the maze-like corridors between films, and a few of the rooms were unnecessarily disorienting, knocking its Ease of Access score down a few points as well.
5. Major Sweets: Candy Factory
The Scares: 6/10
Strength of Concept: 8/10
Ease of Access:7/10
Major Sweets Candy Factory had an upper hand this year, as a sequel of sorts. In 2022, the story of Major Sweets made its debut with Sweet Revenge, the New York scarezone that brought guests through a Halloween Parade gone horribly wrong. One of my personal favorite scarezones of the year, it’s not surprising that guests now get to see a fully-realized house based on that concept. It was strong as a scarezone, and it’s strong as a house.
The scares themselves were… alright. The concept of the house is that guests are accompanying children on a field trip tour of the candy factory, where things go horribly wrong as the kids go on a sweets-crazed murder spree within the factory, due to Major Sweets’ tainted candy – much like the concept of the 2022 scarezone.
Except, it feels less like you’re being attacked by school children and more like you’re being attacked by… adults, dressed as school children. It’s an unfortunate reality – sometimes casting for these roles is really immersive! Sometimes, if you squint, you can actually believe that the 20-something year old they cast is actually a child! Other times… eh, not so much.
The real highlight of this house was its atmosphere, aided and abetted by the catchy 50s music playing throughout and the smell of different kinds of candies pumped through the house, as well as the presence of Major Sweets and Miss Treats, two main characters returning from the 2022 scarezone with slightly new looks.
With a well lit maze and some fun set pieces that add to the conceptual strength of the house, I would call this house a successful successor to its 2022 scarezone. They even decorated the San Francisco Candy Factory, theming it to Major Sweets, as if he owned and operated the store. The decorations inside the re-skinned candy store are impressive, and redecorating the San Francisco Candy factory, to allow guests to explore the Major Sweets theming and merchandise, was a stroke of genius.
If only the scarezone immediately outside of the house had been given the same consideration. Unfortunately, instead of what could have been one of the most comprehensive areas of this year’s event, Enter the Blumhouse – a generally lack-luster and low-production value scarezone – was placed directly outside of Major Sweets: Candy Factory, instead – and while not necessarily a part of the house itself, a Major Disappointment where theming was concerned.
6. Goblin’s Feast
The Scares: 6/10
Strength of Concept: 6/10
Ease of Access: 7/10
This was a fun house! It was more cartoonish than any of the others, featuring a litany of magical creatures and silly voices set against a backdrop of jaunty celtic music playing. With the concept of this house being fairly well-constructed, and almost a one-to-one representation of the Discover Universal Podcast that laid out the story behind the Goblin’s Feast house, it was… fine! It was a well-constructed house, with well-constructed scares, set in a well-constructed world.
There’s really nothing to complain about, in this house, but I would go as far to say there wasn’t really much to write home about, either. If you listened to the Discover Universal Podcast outlining the full and unabridged story behind the Goblin’s Feast house, it was interesting to see all those little scenes play out, but beyond that there wasn’t anything in particular that was impressive beyond the general Universal Quality of the house!
I wish I had more to say about this one, honestly, because I had high hopes for it when house announcements were being released. It’s fun to walk through, and the facade erected outside of this house’s sprung tent is a delightful touch to the overall theming of the house – seeing the smoke billowing out of the chimney is a very nice touch!
But if I had to chose between this house and any of the others on this list so far, it would be no contest. I would say, as a guest with a multi-night ticket, this is a one- or two-run house, and then I wouldn’t bother waiting more than twenty or twenty-five minutes for it – especially when Eternal Bloodlines is right next door. Get this one done during Scream Early, when the wait time is low.
It is, however, fairly well-lit through the majority of the house, with the forest scene being a slight exception and bearable strobe lights, so it was a fairly navigable house!
7. A Quiet Place
The Scares: 8/10
Strength of Concept: 6/10
Ease of Access: 4/10
Yikes, those numbers.
This is where I start to have personal grievances with some aspects of the houses. And it pains me to say that, because each house – no matter what I disliked about it – has the potential to be something mind-blowing and memorable. But not every house gets there.
I watched A Quiet Place, in preparation for this. I enjoyed the movie very much! It was an interesting take on a horror film, and prior to the event, I’d heard a lot of interesting things about this house as an experiment in how haunted houses were constructed. When your whole world revolves around you being quiet, building an intense experience around that concept is a challenge. Universal creatives went on record stating that there would be ASL utilized in this house, just like how the Abbott family communicates with one another in their post-apocalyptic world.
Unfortunately, I was unable to see ASL being actively utilized in the house. Not every run of a house is perfect – sometimes you miss scares and effects, which just means you have to go back to catch what you missed!
While not the house I disliked the most, this year, it is the house I was the most disappointed about. I had been looking forward to this one for a myriad of reasons – from the ASL to the intricate puppetry of the Death Angels featured throughout the house. The Death Angels were beautiful pieces of puppetry that exceeded expectations, but many were difficult to really appreciate due to the light-level and the strobe effects used during scares.
Unfortunately, because of how dark and strobe-heavy the experience was, it’s not a house I see myself returning to.
8. Insidious
The Scares: 7/10
Strength of Concept: 6/10
Ease of Access: 5/10
I’ll come right out and say it: I’m starting to feel about Blumhouse like I felt about The Walking Dead. Blumhouse has a very distinct MO that isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, and I’m unfortunately a part of that goup.
Blumhouse productions at Halloween Horror Nights – whether they be houses or scarezones – tend to feel less immersive because with the vast majority of Blumhouse productions featured at the park, the threat is a man in a mask. Duck masks, Baby Masks, Uncle Sam Masks, and other iconic looks from Blumhouse productions don’t feel as immersive or impressive as the other IPs and Originals at HHN.
Maybe my appreciation of this house suffers from the fact that I’ve never seen Insidious. But again, if it has to come with required reading to make any sense or be scary at all, it has to suffer a few points. Insidious, however, has held the spot as the most popular house of the season for the entire first month of Halloween Horror Nights, so it’s clear that even if this house doesn’t tick the boxes of what I look for in a house, there are plenty of guests eager to enter the Further this year!
9. The Museum: Deadly Exhibits
The Scares: 5/10
Strength of Concept: 5/10
Ease of Access: 7/10
Another house that I was deeply disappointed in, The Museum just feels… small. A shorter house, and one comprised almost entirely of tight corridors, I had initially expected this house to be a spiritual successor of a house like Winter’s Wake or Blood Moon, with grand, sweeping sets and impressive costume design. Those expectations were based on vibes alone when Universal Orlando dropped their house announcements earlier this year, and I accidentally spent the next four months building up what I expected this house to be in my head.
Despite The Museum not quite living up to the hype I had expected, the “Night at the Museum Gone Wrong” concept is still incredibly fun to experience first hand. The exhibits that come to life are varied in their forms and aesthetics, making for what feels like a genuine museum experience… if your average museum tried to kill you at every turn.
While the visuals were rich and the main ‘character’ of the house – the cursed exhibit that caused all the mayhem and chaos in this haunted museum, called The Rotting Stone – is a captivating concept, the final set piece of the attraction could have stood out a little more. I actually had a hard time identifying the stone during my run, and didn’t realize I’d actually missed it until I was already out of the house. Whoops!
10. Triplets of Terror
The Scares: 7/10
Strength of Concept: 4/10
Ease of Access: 3/10
With no slasher IP on their official house lineup this year, it seems that Universal Orlando Resort decided to try their hand at their own concept revolving around the blood and gore that stands as the hallmark of several of Horror’s most beloved slasher franchises.
Triplets of Terror revolves around the Barmy Triplets, who are all celebrating their 40th birthday by recreating the murder of their family at their 9th birthday party, which they do every ten years – resurfacing from the fringes of society to wreak havoc on some poor, unsuspecting town ripe for the slaughtering. The concept itself was not my favorite, with no clear reason why the Barmy Triplets turned mass-murderers at the tender young age of nine.
In the very first room of the house, the dying mother of the triplets desperately asks, “why are you doing this?” and that’s what I want to know, more than anything! Ruthless killers, killers who start young, and those that live on the bloody side of life can be a genuinely fun time! I just couldn’t find anything about the Barmy Triplets’ story to really latch onto, that pulled me into their story, even with the Urban Myth Podcast room. The Urban Myths Podcast – an in-universe True Crime podcast – covers the Barmy Triplets killings, setting us up with information about their recurring murder-sprees, but makes no mention of why any of this has happened in the first place, which is a piece of information that I would have loved to see explored.
Because of the podcast tie-in, I think that this house more than any this year could have benefited from the expanded mythos offered by a feature spot on the Discover Universal Podcast. For those unaware, Universal has been putting out expanded backstories for select houses each year, on their Discover Universal Podcast. Offering in-depth and immersive backstories to houses, scarezones, and iconic characters like Dr. Oddfellow last year, these optional bits of lore are an awesome addition to the story of Halloween Horror Nights – and while we did get some this year, for scarezones and houses, Triplets of Terror was sadly not one of them.
Because Triplets of Terror set the stage for decennial killings, there’s always the chance we’ll get to learn more about the psychology and deeper history of the Barmy Triplets down the line! But I definitely would have loved to learn more about them in their debut house.
The slasher genre has a long and illustrious history in horror, and if you’re a fan of bloody spectacles, you’ll enjoy this house! Triplets of Terror puts a heavy focus on blood and gore, with plenty of nasty kills, severed heads, and entrails hung up like birthday streamers.
And, mild spoilers: consider this your ‘dead dog’ warning, as well. Remember! Frank Kinkaid’s Black Book, Rule #32: Never Kill a House Pet, you’re welcome.
Unfortunately, Triplets of Terror also gets a the lowest Ease of Access score this year. The house utilizes heavy and relentless strobe, so guests with medium- to high-sensitivity might want to sit this one out, or bring a trusted friend to help guide you through the parts that might not agree with you. Be aware of the final room, where the Barmy Triplets are hosting their birthday party, and remember not to put yourself in any situation that might ruin your night. High caution with this one, if you struggle with strobe lights.
So, after reviewing all ten houses, what did we learn?
This year, despite not being quite as cohesive of a year, had a set of houses that were overall strong enough to stand on their own! Not every house can be a home-run, but the fact that Universal Creative continues to conceptualize these houses that are, more often than not, incredibly detailed, immersive experiences with rich stories and beloved characters from both IPs and original concepts, makes my house rankings mean about as much as a drop in the ocean.
At the end of the day, it’s all just opinion. Everyone has their favorites, and their least favorites, and with all of October left to get the pants scared off of us, the only thing that really matters is that we’re lucky enough – either in person or by proxy – to experience these creations that Universal shares with us.
There is a reason why Halloween Horror Nights has been given the Golden Ticket Award for Best Halloween Event over fourteen years: it’s because the event is exceptional, and will always be exceptional. And come November 4th, I’m going to be sad, and I’m going to miss even the Barmy Triplets as I start counting down to next year like the insane person I am, and if Halloween Horror Nights ran all-year long, I would be the happiest person on God’s Green Earth.
Huh.
I wonder what the cost of living in Vegas is.
